How is the adoption going?

Thank you for asking. Really. I mean it. I don't talk about the adoption much unless people ask or unless I'm talking to other people who are also adopting from China. It's not that I don't want to talk about it, don't loooooove talking about it. It's just that I don't have a satisfactory response. "Slowly. Very slowly. It will probably be at least another year, probably longer...unless things speed up. Things could speed up." The unsaid part of that statement is that things could also slow down, but I try not to go there.

The inevitable retort to my statement is, of course, "Why? Why is it taking so long?" Good question. I'd like to know that, too. Oh, I've heard a lot of speculation as to why the wait has increased so dramatically, but to tell you the truth, I don't really care why because knowing why doesn't matter. Knowing why doesn't speed up the process. Knowing why doesn't get Maddie home to us any quicker. And knowing why doesn't quell the pain in my heart.

So I don't look for answers anymore. Despite the fact that we have waited fourteen months and may have to wait another fourteen or more, I have to focus on the fact that each day that passes means we are one day closer to our referral, one day closer to travel, one day closer to gazing upon the face of our already beloved daughter for the first time. It's strange, you know, being so in love with a person who may not even be born yet, whose face I have never seen, yet who is as real to me as anything else I know.

Don't be afraid to ask me how it's going. I love it when people ask. It's so thoughtful and kind. And even though I don't have a great answer, I do love to talk about Maddie because talking about her, dreaming about her, preparing for her makes her seem all that much closer.

A Glorious Day

Today, after 13 months and 19 days of having our dossier logged into the CCAA, we receive word that we are OUT of review. After 13 months and 19 days of agonizing over the fact that our paperwork was just sitting there gathering dust, we receive word that finally someone has looked at our documents, perused our pictures, examined our records, read our heartfelt letter asking to adopt a daughter, and found us acceptable. After 13 months and 19 days, we have crossed the last hurdle. And now the waiting really begins. You see, though we are out of review, there are still many, many people ahead of us who need to be matched. In fact, the CCAA has only completed matches for families who were logged in before November 14, 2005. But let me be Scarlet O'Hara for a minute. I won't think about that today. The only thing I want to think about today is the fact that we are OUT of review. One step closer.